You Know It's Not So Easy
by atcskid
Summary: Some people make up their minds, while others go back to old ways. Song Fic. --Updated
1. Turning To Go Home

_And we wait above a road.  
  
We're turning to go home.  
  
And the silence from the side of the car,  
  
Tells me everything and how we are.  
  
Cause there's no more trying to make this so right.  
  
There's no more trying tonight_  
  
A tired and weary Ryan Atwood makes his way to the side of a moth bitten bed in the extra room at Teresa's house. He lays his bags next to one another at the end of the bed. From the window he can see the beaten up yellow mustang he had just been in for an hour and an half. A whole hour and a half of silence, all they could do was look at each other and even to him that seemed painful.   
As he sat down on the bed, it creaked which made his eyes blink. His bed back in Newport didn't creak. His bed in Newport wasn't only a box spring. His bed in Newport was a real bed, with a mattress.  
  
_And you know it's not so easy when you're all alone,  
  
And I wonder if, I'm alone in your head.  
_  
He sighed and took off his leather jacket and hoodie. He hung them on the bed post on the end of the bed. There was no coat racks here, in Newport, he had a coat rack. Why he decided to leave that place was beginning to become a mystery to him.  
He didn't want to be with Teresa like this.  
He wanted Marissa more than ever now. He wanted to tell her that he loved her back; he wanted to tell her that he was sorry for everything he'd done since he'd been in Newport. He just wanted to tell her anything.   
Anything that would bring him back to that place with her, because it was what he needed the most.

_I know something is wrong,  
  
I just don't know what to do._

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Summer had just arrived at the Cohen's house the same evening. She'd been informed by Mr. Cohen that Seth was in his room. When she finally made her way to Seth's room and knocked on the door there was no answer. She opened the door herself and saw no one. No loose comic books on his night stand.   
She did see, two notes, resting on his night stand. Addressed Mom & Dad and Summer, she picked up the note addressed to her and sat back on Seth's bed. The smell of Cap'n Crunch and Soap was strong in his comforter.   
She wondered where he was.  
  
_You say it's only me, and, that I'm so perfect for you.  
  
I don't want to try no more,  
  
I don't want to make this right.  
  
I just want you to be true to me one time.  
_  
The note dropped from her hands and she'd finished the last sentence: _I love you, and I don't know when I'll be back, but you need to know, I'm never going to let you go. I love you Summer.   
__Seth  
_  
Tears poured from her eyes, she couldn't believe what she had just found out. Seth Cohen had left, like her mom. He had left her all alone. She had no one now, no one she could confide in. Once again, out of the blue, Summer was alone.  
  
_And you know it's not so easy when you're all alone,  
  
And I wonder if I'm alone in your head._

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_Twelve days gone by, since I have saw you last,  
  
I'll give this one more try,  
  
I'll give it all my best and, I'll ask  
  
What could you be doing that is so much fun?  
  
Without me by your side,  
  
Without me by your side  
  
_Marissa Cooper stood on the balcony of her new room, lowering a bottle of Jack Daniels from her mouth. The liquid burned as it made its way down her throat, she was beginning to get used to this sensation again. She hadn't seen Summer or anyone for that matter in 2 weeks. It seemed that everyone was in isolation at the moment.   
Marissa didn't know, or really didn't care what isolation was at the instant, she was too sloshed to think of anything now. Ryan was gone, and that was all the mattered to her. Not that she and her mother were soon to be in bankruptcy considering her mother's recent marriage to Caleb Nichol was going down the tubes.   
She just missed him, she just needed him. He would never be there anymore.  
  
She lifted the bottle back up to her mouth.

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_And, I will take a step back, and, I'll let you ahead,  
  
And, I will take a step away, and, see if you come back,  
  
Because there's no more trying to make this so right,  
  
There's no more trying,  
  
There's no more trying tonight.__  
  
_Seth Cohen stood up at the docks of Newport Beach as he finished tying up the Summer Breeze. He was tired of running away; he needed to face his problems head on. So what if Ryan Atwood wouldn't be there to take care of him anymore, he needed to learn to stand on his own two feet.   
He dusted off the small amount of dirt of his pant legs and looked around. Everything still seemed the same. He didn't want to go home and see the look on his parents faces. He didn't want to see Summer after what he'd done, but that was one of the things that he needed to learn to do.   
Stand up for himself, because Seth wasn't a pushover like people thought he was, this was a new Seth Cohen.  
  
He picked up his bag and skateboard and headed up to the boardwalk. He ran his hand over his face to feel a scruffy beard that was beginning to form over his face, that scruffiness reminded him of Ryan. He rolled his eyes and that thought crossed his mind and dropped his hand from his face. Seth found his way to the street; he'd only been gone for 2 weeks and yet, no one recognized him.   
  
He flagged down a cab and climbed in.

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Ryan woke up late that morning; he opened his eyes and saw the sun peeking through the window in the bedroom. It was new to his eyes; there were no curtains on those windows, he blinked back the tears from the bright light and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. As he sat up he noticed a note on the door, from Teresa. It said:   
_Ryan, I got you a job at the local lumber yard, you start at 10 o'clock. Have a good day.   
Teresa.  
_  
He sighed as he finished the note. He looked at the clock next to the bed. It read 12:56. Great.  
  
_We'll never be the same,_  
  
Summer read over Seth's letter again, she still couldn't believe what he had done to her. He'd left her alone, something he promised he'd never do. A few tears fell from her eyes but she brushed them off like nothing. Crying had become part of the norm over the past few weeks, mainly because she missed him so much.   
She got up from the couch and made her way to the kitchen. As she picked up the hot pot of coffee, a ring came from the doorbell. She ignored it, but yet again, the doorbell rang. She put down the pot and walked towards the door.   
When she'd opened the door it revealed a woman who Summer was claimed to be a "spitting image of". She blinked twice before focusing her eyes on the woman in front of her.   
Summer's mother, had come home.  
  
_We will never be the same,  
  
_Marissa Cooper again, took the bottle down from her mouth. Her head was beginning to spin more than usual, and the spinning of the room was making her nauseous. She closed her eyes for a split second and the next thing she knew, her head was hitting the ground and the sound of glass breaking was near.   
Julie Cooper rushed in when she heard this and screamed in the process. She was soon in the hospital; she opened her eyes to a bright white light that was over top of her. He head was still spinning and her chest was weaker than it had ever felt. She looked around and saw a pigment of red in the middle of all the white surrounding her. The line was moving up and down slowly; as she blinked and looked at the line again it began to straighten even more.   
Her eyelids became heavier by the second and soon that red line was the straightest it could ever be. She heard the rush of people coming to her side; she saw an image of Ryan flash in front of her eyes.   
She didn't want to see him now, he was the reason she was there now.  
  
_We will never be the same_,  
  
Seth leaned forward in the taxi cab and paid the man driving him. They were pulled up the drive way of the Cohen household. He leaned back once more and looked out the tinted windows to see the house he'd left a few short weeks ago.   
He opened the door and got out. He motioned to the cabby to pop the trunk. As he did he saw from the corner of his eye a movement from inside the house. He didn't bother to look again. He closed the trunk and waved the cab off into the distance. He set his bag and skateboard down onto the steps in front of the door. As he knocked on the door tension came over him like wild fire. A mid- height blond woman opened the door and raised her eye brow in question.   
He looked her straight in the eyes and tears began to fill his eyes, she looked away from him and shut the door.  
  
_We will never be the same,  
  
Until you're done  
  
Sunday Drive by The Early November_


	2. I Really Wish You'd Grow Up

He looked right into her eyes, she wasn't looking into his. Her eyes were covered with sunglasses when they'd first met his. She was sitting on a long lawn chair across the pool; no one could talk to her. They all knew if she was disturbed while sun tanning there would be hell to pay. He couldn't stop starring, she was too beautiful. A boy with a full head of blond hair noticed this and kicked his shoulder.  
  
"Get over it Cohen, like she'll ever be interested in you."  
  
Seth sighed as he, again, focused his attention back to Summer Roberts.  
  
_I've got a twenty-dollar bill,  
  
That says no one's ever seen you,  
  
Without make up,  
  
You're always made up.  
_  
She turned in his direction and sat up straight; he closed his eyes but opened them to see a small tattoo on the lower part of her stomach. It said "Summer" in small letters with a sun around it. He'd saw her get it for her 17th birthday. He'd taken her to get it. It was her present.  
  
_And I'm sick of your tattoos_  
  
He cocked his head in the right direction and saw Marissa changing cd's in the player. He knew that this ought to be good, considering him and Marissa had the same much tastes – and no one else could give a damn about the next indie band.  
  
She turned her head and shot Marissa a dirty look. Seth snickered inside. Summer called Marissa over to have a little talk about music etiquette during a party. He looked down into the pool and shook his head.  
  
_And the way you always criticize the Smiths  
  
And Morrissey_  
  
The song changed and started off slowly. He could hear her squeal from the other side of the pool. He smiled when he saw her do the same.  
  
_And I know that you're a sucker  
  
For anything acoustic_  
  
There were some things that he knew would never change about Summer Roberts.  
  
Fast Forward:  
  
He looked out at the Harbor quad one last time. He had just graduated his senior year at Harbor. He and Summer got over his leaving during the summer of junior year. They'd broken up and became friends once again. Not that that was too weird.   
  
He turned around to see her standing there. He smiled, he still loved her. He couldn't tell her that, it would just screw up things. She smiled at him too; she looked directly into his eyes. She told him that she'd miss him, he told her to always keep in touch.   
  
She heard familiar voices coming from down the corridor. She looked at the pack of girls coming towards her, she looked back at him. The girls called her name. She looked at Seth and used her left hand to flip him off. They both rolled their eyes.  
  
_When I say lets keep in touch,  
  
I really mean I wish that you'd grow up  
_  
Seth went home that day and ran to his computer. He'd gotten into making mix cd's for people that year. Summer had just made him so mad at that moment he needed to make one to make her realize she was just being a bitch.  
  
_This is the first song for your mix tape  
  
And it's short just like your temper_  
  
He was mad that he couldn't tell her that he still loved her. He was mad that she could change in a heartbeat; he was mad cause she was who she was. Summer Roberts could never change, and he hated her for it  
  
_But some what golden like the afternoons  
  
We used to spend  
  
Before you got too cool  
_  
He looked down at the CD he'd just made for her. _Break up Songs – That Got Me over You_ was the label he put on the front. 'Got me over you' he thought. He kicked his trash can and snapped the case in half.  
  
"Fuck you Summer, Fuck you."  
  
_Mix Tape by Brand New_


End file.
